Antlers, Brooms, and Swedish Meatballs!
by Beguile the Sun
Summary: Regina saves the town, its people, and, most importantly, Emma Swan, from the most devious of evils to sweep into Storybrooke. (Swan Queen humor/romance). One shot. Complete.


"M-Madame Mayor?"

Regina rolled her eyes and slowly lifted her head from the school budget draft she was currently revising. Her secretary always stuttered when something was wrong and she was not in the mood to deal with such trouble today.

"Sheriff Swan called," she began slowly, looking around the room as if it would provide an exit for her. "She said there's an incident in the center of town and she needs your help."

Regina's eyebrows rose at the mention of the blonde's name. The two only really spoke when it concerned Henry. And while she had her misgivings about Emma she couldn't deny that she played the part of sheriff very well. This would be the first time that Emma ran into something she couldn't handle on her own. And whatever it was, the mayor couldn't figure out why _she_ would be the one needed.

"Um," the secretary squeaked again, breaking Regina's train of thought. "She said it was urgent, Madame."

Regina glared just long enough for the woman to start shaking before she closed the budget and stood, grabbing her jacket from the back of her chair. "I guess I'll be back as soon as I can," she grumbled, watching her secretary nod.

"Would you like your Excedrin before you go?" she asked politely, and Regina stopped in her tracks.

"Good idea. Make it three today."

"Yes, ma'am."

By the time Regina made her way to the center of town, the entire population of Storybrooke seemed to already be there. Cars were parked all along the street and everyone was milled around the fountain, standing on toes or shoulders to see over the masses. Unconsciously, the brunette quickened pace, her heart rate rising as multiple scenarios ran through her mind. As she got closer she saw that the town was actually blocked by yellow caution tape. Emma's 'deputies,' as they liked to call themselves, were scattered behind it, attempting crowd control.

Ruby was the closest and she flashed a relieved smile when she saw the mayor. She motioned her forward and began to push the crowd aside, shouting. "Make way, make way, royalty coming through! She's on official police business so shove over. No, I don't want to see _your_ official business, Leroy, go away."

Unamused with having to push through a crowd, Regina merely put on her old Evil Queen face and gave a cough. The crowd parted like the Red Sea and she flashed them a cruel smile as she passed through, ducking gracefully under the tape Ruby was holding up.

"Glad you're here, Mayor. Emma's at her wits end," she said, gesturing towards the fountain.

Regina turned to try and see what the fuss was about but her view was still partially blocked by the water fountain. "Ruby, what's going on here?"

To her slight relief, Ruby only shook her head and smiled. "I think you'll just have to see for yourself, boss."

With that, she turned and continued pushing back the crowd. Regina considered pressing her for more information but thought better of it and turned on her heels and made her way towards the fountain. As she walked past the onlookers she could hear joyous shouts and whistles of her appearance. To say it was unexpected would be an understatement but she kept her face stoic as she made her way past, ignoring comments such as:

"Regina's here! She'll fix this!"

"If she can't do it, we're all screwed."

"There's the woman for the job!"

Against her better judgment, Regina felt a small inkling of pride at the crowd. She'd always been a capable woman, but getting recognition for it was something she was definitely unaccustomed to. Running a hand through her hair she turned and saw those infamous blonde curls billowing in the breeze and headed over to them.

As she got closer though, her movements slowed. The brunette's brow furrowed deeper and deeper as her confusion grew until she stopped just a few feet behind Emma, who was also accompanied by her mother and father, and took in the sight before her.

Emma stood in front of her parents, bright yellow broom in her hand, waving it in the air like a mad woman. In front of Emma, was a moose. It was a huge moose, towering at least two feet over the blonde and standing right in the center of Main Street, chewing cud and clearly unfazed by Emma's actions.

"Giddy up! Kapaya! Swedish meatballs!" Emma shouted, attempting to poke the moose with the broom. It looked over where her broom touched it briefly, then went back to chewing.

Emma's shoulders dropped in frustration and she shook her head as she turned around. It was then that she noticed Regina's presence and the mayor watched as she visibly brightened, flashing a wide smile. "Regina! Thank god you're here."

"Miss Swan," Regina bit, trying to suppress the vein that was protruding from her forehead. The Excedrin she'd taken earlier was doing nothing to stop her head from pounding. But then, she should have expected nothing less from an over the counter drug when the Charmings were involved. "You'd better have a very good reason for dragging me out into the middle of the street."

Emma gave her an obvious look and gestured to the moose behind her. Regina paused, praying that Emma would give a better reason or at least pretend to look embarrassed by what she was doing, but none came. "A moose. You called me out here for a moose."

"A very shifty moose," Emma retorted, shooting a glare at the animal. "It won't move. Cars don't scare it, noises don't scare it—

"And brooms don't either? Shocking."

Emma's glare turned on her and Regina smiled evilly. She always got a little excited when she was able to touch a nerve in Emma Swan. However, the moment was short-lived as Emma licked her lips and gestured to the moose again. "Come on, are you going to help us or not?"

"Just shoot it."

"Regina!" Snow hissed, looking utterly appalled, much to the satisfaction of the mayor. "It's an innocent little animal."

"Little?" Charming scoffed, "it's bigger than my truck."

"My point is that it's innocent," Snow said, aggravated.

Before Regina could form a retort, Charming placed a hand on his wife's shoulder and drew his pistol. Snow looked shocked for a moment before Charming shook his head. "I'm just gonna fire it, love. Maybe that'll scare him off."

"Car horns didn't scare him," Emma noted, crossing her arms in a petulant fashion.

"There's a big difference between a horn and gun," Charming answered before he made his way over to the moose. The entire town seemed to freeze as he closed the distance between himself and the moose to a few inches. They stared each other down for a long moment and, before she dismissed it as ludicrous, it reminded Regina of an old western standoff. Giving his trademark cocky smirk, Charming raised his pistol in the air, and fired.

The entire town jumped, but the moose remained, still chewing. Charming frowned at it and the moose lunged forward swiftly, huffing a burst of air out of its nostrils. Charming fell backwards startled, letting out a very high pitched squeal before Snow ran to his side and lifted him up, carrying him away. Regina chuckled at the antics before Emma turned to her and touched her arm. "So, will you help us?"

"Miss Swan, what do you possibly think I can do about this?" Regina asked, sobering as she crossed her arms.

Emma's eyebrows rose and she kicked at the ground for a moment before shrugging. "I figured you could, you know, scare it," she offered weakly.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Regina shouted, causing the onlookers to quiet again.

"I wish."

"What?"

"What?" Emma repeated, her cheeks reddening. "I thought you said…no, I'm not _kidding_."

"You brought me here to scare a moose out of town?"

"Who better?"

Regina turned to leave but was stopped by Emma's hand again. "Look, the whole town has faith in you. If you were to clear this moose out, imagine how kickass you would look in their eyes!"

When Regina still looked unconvinced Emma's shoulders fell and she gave her an imploring look. "Please, Regina? Because I'm your favorite sheriff?"

"You're fired," Regina said before she pushed past her and made her way over to the moose.

Just like with Charming, the moose seemed indifferent to her encroaching presence. Still a few feet away, Regina paused and lifted her hands. With a flick of her fingers her palms became incased in flames and she smiled as she saw the moose's eyes flicker to them.

"DON'T BURN HIM!" Snow squalled, causing Regina to jump, fire flinging from her hands and raining down on the scattering crowd.

Regina took a deep breath and turned to Snow, fire burning in her eyes as well as her hands. "I'll roast him alive if you don't keep your PETA preaching ways to yourself. Do you understand me?"

Snow visibly paled and squeaked a tiny, "Yes, ma'am," before Regina turned back to the animal.

It seemed slightly nervous as she approached it, and Regina smirked as she waved the flames in front of her. However, when she got closer, the moose's demeanor seemed to change and everyone watched as it bowed its head, its hoof pawing at the ground as if it was about to charge.

Regina lifted an eyebrow at the animal and gave a chuckle before beckoning the animal with her fingers. "I'd love to see you try," she taunted it, unaware of the fact that she was speaking to a moose.

The beast lifted its head a bit, as if trying to call her bluff and Regina inclined her head. The moose took its chance then and lunged forward. Everyone in the crowd screamed as Regina confidently stepped out of the way just in time. The moose stopped, confused, and Regina took her chance to charge briefly at the animal. It skittered back a bit and she gave her signature dark chuckle before leaning in close to its snout.

"Boo."

The moose whinnied in fear and turned quickly, racing down the street and out of town. Everything was silent for a moment before the entire town of Storybrooke erupted in cheers. Regina forced her face to remain stoic and made her way back to Emma, who was laughing along with the crowd.

"You were like a matador out there!" she said excitedly, jutting the broom in her hand up in the air. "I knew you could do it."

"Yes, well, I'm _honored_ you thought me fitting for the part of scaring a wild animal out of town," Regina replied.

Emma just smiled and sidled closer up to the mayor. "So, am I really fired?"

"You are," Regina answered, taking great pleasure in watching Emma's face fall before she continued. "However, you may plead your case tonight at my house. If you want it badly enough, you might just get it back."

Understanding flashed across Emma's face and she nodded with an open mouth. "Oh…I want it. Believe me, I want it."

"See you tonight, Miss Swan."

"Yeah, you too, Mayor Moose…Mills! Mayor Mills."

"Oh, you have a lot of apologizing to do tonight."

* * *

A/N: So...this story was actually written for me. I had the crazy idea of an encounter between Regina and a moose, and how Regina would manage to scare the moose off being completely sexy the entire time *sigh*... Anyway, the author refused to post it because it wasn't up to her standards, but I thought it was hysterical so I did. :) Please, please, please take the time to review and help me show her I was right! :) Please (again) and Thank you.


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